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Post by forgottenxthreat on Nov 24, 2009 7:42:26 GMT -5
HI GUYS. I'M POSTING MY STORY HERE BECAUSE I WANTED IT IN THE PRIVATE FORUM. EACH PAGE IS A LINK, SO HERE YOU GO! comment what you think! Its a rough draft so there are MANY SPELLING ERRORS, mainly because it was written on typewriter  So yes, I KNOW they are there. Its finished for the most part, though, so no criticism please.  i consider it finished asides from grammatical/spelling stuff. ;D
Now this is a fairytale so its written in that fairytale style. So its not supposed to be the most exciting thing you've ever read, or the coolest writing. Its more for the telling of the story and teaching of a lesson
page one- 1
page two- 2
page three- 3
page four- 4
page five- 5
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Post by ♪♪♫♪ on Nov 24, 2009 9:21:41 GMT -5
This is incredibly interesting, to say the least; I love, love, LOVE fairytales (the format and everything), so I have been very excited to read this and I had every right to be. So, here are my comments!
- I love the king's behavior at the beginning, how he is like, *scoff*, ahah.
- On the second page, one of my favorite lines was "In exchange for this compliance, the boy was very humble, and permanently instilled with kindness." I just love the phrasing of it.
- On page three, I love how you compare the two boys with adjectives in one sentence: "It was not long before the arrogant prince and the humble peasant boy had arrived."
- On the fourth page, I can completely imagine the king in particular for some reason--how he is like, "I'm sorry, my boy". Haha, I just can envision it.
- On the last page, I love the phrase/line "The humble and the selfish". The last line also on the last page is so beautiful/well-put! "...the humble peasant gained the honor of having a princess as his bride". I love it!
I also love the "the end" at the end, haha--I like the effect of it being cut off as well... random and not totally intentional, but still! This was awesome! I like how it is a complete piece--it is a fairytale, after all, but I just wish that I could write whole stories like this. Great job!
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Post by kangaroo cry on Nov 24, 2009 18:23:07 GMT -5
FIRST OFF JULIEANN, I AM SO PROUD OF YOU FOR FINISHING THIS. GOOD JOB! GO TYPEWRITER!
I absolutely love fairytales! I love this whole plot/idea and the setting and the peasant boy! It's classic, but not really, and unique. Does that make any sense? It has a timelessness to it that makes it classic but it stands out too, in a good way. There weren't any lines in specific, it all just had this air to it, this feel. I could see it in a collection of fairytales in a huge tome with yellowed pages.
The princess rejected prince man, HAHHA. Girl power! (lol, I had to comment on that. Fairytales NEVER have girl power, so I loved that part, YAY!)
Overall, this was really enjoyable! It had a good ending, which is always important to me. The peasant boy got what he finally deserved. =]
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Post by kangaroo cry on Nov 24, 2009 18:26:55 GMT -5
I just have to say, all three of us have written something recently and posted it on fanherad, and I'm proud of us all. And I can't help but notice how different all of our things are! And they're all good! They're all good in different ways, and that makes me happy. We don't have to be the same to still have each of us be the best.
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Post by forgottenxthreat on Nov 24, 2009 22:02:26 GMT -5
thank you, sarah!!!!!!!!!!! thats really what i was going for, the whole 'like it would be in a collection of yellowish fairytales' Yeah! AND GO GIRL POWER. CHYEAH, REJECTEDDDDD.
and thank you bri!!!!!!!!!!! I loved your detailed comments about certain lineeeeees! And i can picture the king saying sorry too. Lol, in my mind he was like a half asleep king liek "what? Oh.... yeeeeah.... i'm sorry... rule thing.. foul play... murmmur mummur" Lol!
And i love how you both commented on loving the ending  Thats awesome.
AND GO US FOR ALL BEING PRODUCTIVE. LETS KEEP IT UP! I've already been thinking about what my next piece is going to be... Teehee! ;D
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