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Post by kangaroo cry on Nov 19, 2009 19:05:37 GMT -5
One Indissoluble Whole
Our foundations, where we come from, are malleable and strong because they are made up of many different fractions that happen to add to one indissoluble whole.
One piece of me resides in a house on a hill and on a concrete driveway under an Atlanta sun hot enough to melt asphalt. Another is in an endless line of Siamese cats, in their azure eyes and loud personalities and proud tails, held high like the national flags of countries so happy to be who they are. One fraction of me will always sit on a stairwell much taller than I with aged wooden steps that collected the souvenirs of my family that we weren’t strong enough to carry all the way to the top with us. Part of me belongs on a ten-lane highway that produced a ping-pong match of headlights at night. Another component is crushed into the bottom of my soccer cleats, And in those of my father. A fragment of me hides in a pile of leaves every autumn And in a broken window on flaking garage doors. I am in Christmas trees and ice cream cakes and honeysuckle blossoms and a spare tire strapped to the back of an ’88 Bronco.
My heart dwells in a collection of notebooks with torn covers and cramped pages. My imagination was born from the mind of another child who was kind enough to share with me. My eyes are my mother’s And her mother’s And mine. And the pieces add up to one.
This is my most recent piece for my Writers' Workshop class. We read other poems to inspire us and the theme was "Where I'm From." This is one of my only pieces from that class that I can stand reading after I read it aloud to the class, so I thought I'd share it.
No critique on it, please. But comments are welcome. Did you guys like it? Honestly?
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Post by kangaroo cry on Nov 19, 2009 19:11:30 GMT -5
P.S. Everything in the poem is or was a real part of my life, so if you're wondering how exactly something fits in or pertains to me, please ask! I'd love to answer. =]
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Post by ♪♪♫♪ on Nov 19, 2009 19:27:35 GMT -5
HOLY GOD, THIS IS AMAZING! I CAN'T EVEN NAME THE PARTS I LIKE! THIS IS SO AMAZING THAT I CAN ONLY EXPRESS HOW AMAZING IT IS THROUGH CAPSLOCK SO THAT YOU KNOW THAT I AM REALLY NOT KIDDING YOU. SERIOUSLY, THIS IS GREAT.
SO I'LL NAME SOME PARTS I LIKED: THE SIAMESE CAT PART, THE 10-LANE HIGHWAY PART, THE LINES AT THE VERY END, THE '88 BRONCO PART, THE "CHRISTMAS TREES" PART! SO MANY PARTS! THIS IS PHENOMENAL! In all seriousness, seriously, I love this; it may be possibly one of my favorite things that you have written. I just love the way the words come together. It reminds me of the type of writing that I strive to achieve. You've achieved it so perfectly! The details are like puzzle pieces... this is just so beautiful, honestly. The ending really touched me in all sincerity.
Gosh! This is really beautiful, seriously. I just don't know what else to say. I have more, but it's more like feelings than words...
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Post by kangaroo cry on Nov 19, 2009 21:23:59 GMT -5
AW! BRIANA! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH! THANK YOU! THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU! I'M SO HAPPY THAT YOU REALLY LIKED IT THAT I CAN ONLY RESPOND TO YOU IN CAPSLOCK. I'M SO GLAD YOU HAD SUCH A GOOD REACTION TO IT, THAT YOU LOVED IT SO MUCH.
AUHG KDFGFDH GD SUGHHFD THANK YOU! THAT MADE MY WEEEEEEEK AND MONTH THAT YOU LIKE IT SO MUCH! I DON'T THINK I'VE EVER HAD SUCH A POSITIVE REACTION TO ANYTHING I'VE EVER WRITTEN. OR ANYTHING. OR EVEN ANY KIND OF REACTION THAT BIG. I FEEL ACCOMPLISHED NOW YAYAYAYAYY THANK YOU. AND IT MADE YOU FEEL THINGS FEELINGS ARE GOOD. IF YOU EVER FEEL LIKE TRYING TO DESCRIBE THOSE FEELINGS I WOULD BE SO UP FOR LISTENING, EVEN THOUGH IT'S HARD TO TRANSLATE THAT STUFF INTO WORDS AND I UNDERSTAND IF IT DOESN'T WORK.
Ahem. Thank you again! Really! <3
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Post by ♪♪♫♪ on Nov 20, 2009 6:54:07 GMT -5
YOU'RE WELCOME! <3 I'M REALLY HAPPY I MADE YOU HAPPY! IT WAS ALL SINCERE!
I'll try to explain a little, but I don't think I can explain my feelings as a whole because I feel different feelings when I read this (in a good way). They came together, though, all of those feelings, at the very end when you talked about the notebooks and eyes and such, and it made me feel like I was connected even to you, and that we were all connected. And it made me, I don't know, sad somehow but sad in a good way...? I can't quite explain it. I guess I call it the "mother feeling", like when you think about your mom and you miss her when she's not around, that kind of feeling maybe. Hmm.
THIS WAS SO AMAZING. PFSHHH. Still exploding. CONTINUE TO BE AWESOME! I really hope you post more of this kind of thing sometime. (: Do you do a lot of this kind of writing in Creative Writing? I really love the style of this (obviously)...
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Post by forgottenxthreat on Nov 20, 2009 11:01:56 GMT -5
i LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVED this poem! I really liked the details of your life you worked into this- i like it because its so personal. I like the structure of the ending. The decrecendo of the eyes... And i just LOVED the imagery and wording in some parts:
Another is in an endless line of Siamese cats, in their azure eyes and loud personalities and proud tails, held high like the national flags of countries so happy to be who they are. (I loooved that description, especially the tails like flags and their pride in who they are)
that produced a ping-pong match of headlights at night. (liked imagining a ping pong match with headlights. good imagery)
I am in Christmas trees and ice cream cakes and honeysuckle blossoms and a spare tire strapped to the back of an ’88 Bronco. (i loved the dsimplicity of the last thing you mentioned, the tire, because it brought it back to simple reality of life. like, all these heavenly things like christmas trees and cake and blossoms, but then your like: at the same time, i am a spare tire. I loved that.)
Very, good, sarah, i really think this piece came out GREAT
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Post by forgottenxthreat on Nov 20, 2009 11:05:01 GMT -5
LOVE!
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Post by kangaroo cry on Nov 20, 2009 11:43:25 GMT -5
Bri, I understand what you were feeling! Thanks for trying to explain! =D And, well, I really like the style of writing in this poem too, but it was very hard for me to... get there, you know? So, it hasn't really happened more often. This piece was the first time it happened, so I don't have more poems in this style. But I do have more pieces that I could post, if you want to read them...
YAY! JULIEANN! THANK YOU! I'm glad you both loved the Siamese cat part, I had that idea in my head and it wouldn't translate to paper but I kept working on it until it did. My teacher said it was great too. I LOVE YOU, thank you! I'm so happy you likeeeeeeed it! Loveddddddddd it! I like all the lines you did, haha. Thank you thank you thank you!
Would you guys say this is personal while still being universal? Or more personal only?
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Post by ♪♪♫♪ on Nov 20, 2009 17:40:17 GMT -5
I'd love to read more! And I'd consider this one to be both personal and universal, definitely. (:
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Post by forgottenxthreat on Nov 21, 2009 13:06:22 GMT -5
I'd say it could be both personal and universal because some people will be able to say: yes, i am that too. ANd also, what you wrote will make everything think of what they are, as well.
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